We gossip, we repost on Instagram, we retweet from Twitter, mostly things that I dont need. But THIS. The premise and purpose has never been more necessary.
As a kid I was a tomboy. I had a great relationship with my Daddy. I went to work with him, I went fishing with him, I went hunting with him, I went to the pool hall with him (only because a family member owned it and I could shoot pool before the hardheads came in), I went lots of places with my father. Wearing a dress and sandals…no matter how much my momma coaxed and pleaded wasnt in my plans. I couldnt reel in my catch while trying to hold down my skirt. I rode my bike for miles and hours around the neighborhood and I walked a lot. Things kids do. Shorts, pants, jumpers, t-shirts, tennis shoes, and boots were the most likely attire. Rarely dresses and skirts. The only time I was forced to do so was when entering church, going to prom, or when mother simply had enough of my motley face and skinned knees.
I eventually learned the art of a nice mini skirt and heels but I still have an affinity for a nice pair of sneakers and a soft cotton tee. Ive become more versatile. As a parent. As a mother…I want my daughter to know that she has the option to choose how she would like to dress herself. More importantly I want her to know the proper way to adorn herself.
As females we ride a roller-coaster of emotions throughout life. There’s puberty, PMS, Sexual Peaks, Menopause, etc. These things effect how we feel and see ourselves…this how we dress ourselves. Top that off with the cherry of dating and wanting attention from males. The result can inevitability be hit or miss.
I will never have the answer or anecdote for my daughter but I want her to be in the KNOW. Thats my job. To make sure she knows what to do and if she chooses not to do it…she gets to experience the end result.
What you see is likely what you get.
If you are dressed like a harlot, you will be treated like a harlot.
You don’t get to choose who is attracted to you so beware.
The way you are dressed may attract some unwanted attention.
Perception is realty.
The way people perceive you by way of how you look is what they will think of you. More importantly, decide what impression you want people to walk away with when they leave you. Decide how you want the world to see you.
Your health is your wealth.
As a woman, some of the things you wear can affect your health if they aren’t the correct size and material. Take care of yourself, inside and out.
Save something for later.
When you become a woman and you begin to date. No man wants a woman that has been seen and/or had by a multitude of people. And if he does, he is either rare or just passing through. Save something for the privacy of your own relationship. Have something to share with your mate that hasn’t been shared with anyone else.
Be properly Influenced
Just because your friends are wearing it doesn’t make it a good idea. Evaluate and decide.
With a plethora of examples in my arena, I managed to learn the lesson in time. Even at 32 years old I toe the line sometimes. Being sexy and provocative is a responsibility that a woman has to be prepared for. Hopefully I can pass these principles along to my daughter and she adheres to them.
I posted this on a message board earlier today and I got minimal response for discussion. Im sure for a multitude of reasons but here goes…
Kevin Durant was just awarded NBA MVP. At the center of his acceptance speech was his mother. KD delivered a heartfelt speech that was just as intense as his game. I was awed by not only his sincerity but his mother’s tenacity.
Shortly thereafter, I thought about how tired she must be…in every sense of the word but less physical. She has to be exhausted to have made the sacrifices that she’s made for the take of preserving a better opportunity for her sons. Like many single mothers, she’s had to wear many hats.
It wasnt until watching some footage from the 2014 NFL Draft did I notice a very disturbing pattern in the realm of professional sports. There were very little to no males; no fathers, uncles, mentors, etc that were along side the select players when they received the news that they had been selected by one of the NFL’s teams.
The following young men were select by NFL Teams in the 2014 Draft. All of them shared the moment with their mother or another family member…but no fathers were featured sharing the celebratory moment.
Jadeveon Clowney, from South Carolina
Calvin Pryor, from Louisville
Mike Evans, from Texas A&M,
Teddy Bridgewater, from Louisville,
Bradley Roby, from Ohio State,
North Carolina tight end Eric Ebron
C.J. MOSLEY, picked 17th by Baltimore:
TAYLOR LEWAN, picked 11th by Tennessee:
Blake Bortles, the Central Florida
Of course there are many legitimate reasons why some fathers cannot be present. However, all legitimacies considered, where there no men in the lives of these newly appointed professional athletes? Where there none worthy of sharing such an important moment in their lives? Is there no one male that has been of the same value, made the same sacrifices, showed the same interest and dedication, as the mothers?
After reading a little deeper into the mothers of some of these players, I learned that many of them made unimaginable sacrifices that helped their sons excel in sports and procure a better opportunity in life. I can only speculate that these women endured a lot over the years of growth, learning, and maturation of their sons. Im certain that times were not always as pleasant as Draft Day.
Still I can only wonder…albeit a heartbreaking wonder…if these young men had older men along side them during their journeys. Besides coaches, athletic directors, and peers, was there a male that played just as significant of a role as their mothers? And if so was he present on Draft Day? Why was he not featured, recognized, mentioned?
Did I mention that of the players mentioned, 90% or more minorities?
This is just the tip of the iceberg but perhaps I will start the search…
Men? Where are you?
How many times have you opened up about something or gave an honest response to a situation and immediately thereafter you felt as though you were better off just LYING or not saying anything at all?
Lets just cut to the meat of this. Michael Sam kissed his beau on national tv. Consequently, there’s been an abundance of comments on how uncomfortable the kiss was and how much of a negative impact it had on children. Let recount past and current negative impacts on children: We saw Janet Jackson tittay. We’ve seen hours of soft core porn, and lets not get on the inappropriate language that is shown on network tv on a regular basis, the news is the most violent outlet ever, and even cartoons have taken a nasty turn.
Fact: Its 2014. We wont be able to hide the things from our children. We as parents have to become their teachers and give them the version of these occurrences that we want them to have. Ive long committed myself to the reality that my daughter will undoubtedly see and hear things that I would rather her not during times when Im not around. Im better equipped for her understanding of these things if I talk to her about them now rather than later. Kids need to know that they are living in the most alternative times ever. FREEDOM has gone rogue. This means they will not only see some oversexualization and hear some foul language, they will also encounter some same gender intimacies.
Albeit a publicity stunt in my opinion, Michael Sam was honest with himself and the world when he came out. Emphasis on honest. He told the truth.
We teach our kids to be honest, dont lie, tell the truth, dont fake it for anyone yet we are consistently setting examples of why lying is the better option. When we ridicule someone for their honestly and punish another for their reaction to it, we are indirectly saying, LIE. HIDE, DONT TELL ANYONE. WE ARENT TRULY ACCEPTING YOU.
This is two fold though. Truth tellers need to know that not everyone will embrace you and those who respond need to know that not everyone will agree with you…especially if your response is negative and degrading. But you are entitled.
By no means should anyone have to hide themselves but if you choose to disclose what you already know to be a very controversial detail about your private life you have to be prepared for the response.
Personally I believe the entire media world is too bold and has no discretion. There used to be a thing called JOURNALISTIC INTEGRITY. I havent seen it in years.
As the media continues to be a contradictory sacrificial stage we will continuously see the assbackwards momentum.
THERE IS A PENALTY FOR THE TRUTH.
Technology has been the gift and the curse of making us available and connected to several outlets at once. We can tweet, update our statuses, blog, check in, share photos and videos of our lives with the world, and even share what we are watching on TV. We are hereby connected to any and every being with opposable thumbs and an internet connections. When I visualize this with imagination, I picture myself with a bunch of outlets sprouting from my brain with cords attached to every app that I use. How segmented of me! How distracting!
With so many piece of us flying across the web back and forth between ISPs and LCDs its no wonder LeBron James disconnects from the world during Playoff Season.
Whenever LeBron makes the playoffs, he offically signs off from every social media outlet that he uses. No tweeting, No Instagram Posts, No doing it for the Vine. No Facebook updates, No cellular phone, No TV. He completely detaches himself. He goes into full “Playoff Mode”
With all the cords cut he is able to increase his focus percentage to his goal. CHAMPIONSHIP. I have nothing but respect for this process. And it seems to work. Miami has won the last two NBA Championship titles.
Which leads me to wonder…how much more focused, productive, and successful could we less popular people be if we took a page from the book of LeBron and disconnected ourselves from all social media during such times of challenge.
Of course some of us are diehard tweeters, Instagrammers, and 4 Square Check-In Gurus. It would be a feat to simply go a day, let alone weeks without social media but its well worth the try.
As of today, Im going to disable all social media notifications from my mobile phone and Im going to put away my ipad. I’ll even try to eliminate TV. Let see how much more I get done.
I started physical therapy a couple of weeks ago. My PT’s name is Jason. We’ve developed a pretty good rapport with one another. He knows that I want to get back to playing but Im not going to get overzealous. I know that he has a process to teach me so I cant be my usual impatient self.
The first day of PT was exciting. I was anxious to see what my knee was capable of. He measured my extension and flexion. My numbers were better than expected. I was so engrossed in improving before I left, I dont recall looking up and around much at all. I completed every exercise he presented and had it not been for not wanting to overwork myself, I would have stayed longer.
Fast forward two sessions later, Ive gotten more comfortable with the atmosphere. The facility is pretty large. There are several therapists and patients in at once. I didnt pay much attention upon first seeing other patients that their requirements for PT werent from being Weekend Warriors. Many of them arrived at PT for a plethora of reasons, accidents, deformations of their body, arthritis, etc.
During my most recent session, I was excited at my ability to fly through most of my exercises with ease and little pain. Jason has started to put me on the stationary bike for the first 8 mins of my session to warm my knee a bit. As he was removing my brace and I got ready to get on to the bike, in the midst of complaining about having to wear the brace, a lady on the bike next to me asked me what brought me to PT. I told her I had torn my ACL playing football and soccer. I was still pissy because I want out of the brace. I have full extension and flexion. We began to compare ailments and abilities. (Apparently PTs hate this). She too had torn her ACL but she was out of her brace however she didnt have full extension. Her leg would only bend a bit. I on the other hand can swing my leg like a well oiled hinge but Im still wearing the brace. Blah!
I informed Jason that the brace is restrictive. He agreed but my doctor wants it on until he sees me in May so…Robocop I am.
Near the end of my session Jason gave me a different tool to use. This tool was to improve my extension. In a nutshell, the tool had a blood pressure cuff that was placed on top of my knee as my heel was slightky elevated. As I squeezed the balloon, my knee was pressed more and more. It hurt! It hurt like hell! I hurt so bad that I used my hands to lift my body so my knee wouldnt pull anymore. They immediately removed the tool as my facial expression changed and I looked like I wanted to cry. I was very disappointed in myself. Jason gave me another exercise that I could complete…I think he didnt want me to leave on a negative note. I ended my session and left, declining an ice compression as usual.
Still sour about not being able to complete the new exercise, I left the building and got into my car…then I recalled something that I hadnt paid much attention to until after I had left.
There’s one guy that I see every now and then. He only does upper body exercises. I never thought much of it. I figured he had dislocated his shoulder or something. I shrugged it off.
After I cooled my tantrum, I realized that this guy had been in a wheelchair the entire time. He was only performing exercises on his upper body because he is paralyzed from the waist down. Before this moment I never looked at him entirely. I was completely oblivious. And I began to feel foolish for complaining. I who can sit, stand, and walk, complaining about wearing a brace for a few weeks while I share a room with a guy who has to sit in one place for an infinite amount of time, he cannot stand, sit, or walk.
Today I am thankful for my abundant bit. I realize that a little bit of something it better than a lot of nothing.