Domestic Violence (Self Love and Respect): Is it the remedy?

My lover and best friend says “it can be modeled and taught that way, show an example of what it is”. I had previously asked, “do you think self love and respect can be taught?” Im pondering this on the heels of seeing the video and response of Ray Rice and his wife and thereafter learning of an acquaintance that was recently involved in a violent episode with her boyfriend. This lead to me thinking about why some women allow themselves to be abused. This lead to me concluding that some women do not see themselves worthy of love and respect. They don’t have it for themselves and therefore don’t require it of others. So…back to square one…how do we teach our girls that they should love and respect themselves? They deserve it and should require it from anyone who plans to be a part of their lives. No one, man or woman should be subjected to abuse of any kind. Unfortunately by way of the world, women are more victimized by domestic violence than men. For a litany of reasons women will remain in the home continuously enduring the abuse. Many of these reasons are legitimate reasons. Most of them require the root remedy: A woman who loves herself, respects herself, and values her life and those around her will not remain. She knows that this is a detriment; she knows how it will eventually end; she knows it will take courage and strength that she must muster up; she knows that it wont be easy; she knows that it must be done.
More importantly…how do we teach our young men and women to avoid these types of toxic relationships altogether. No man should be with any woman that he needs to beat into submission and no woman needs to be that woman. How do we teach our young ones as they are growing into adults that these are not the relationships of success and enrichment? These are not the counterparts that you want to spend your lives with.
How do we teach them that both of their lives are valuable and worthy? How to we teach them that they are not to be abusers nor abused?
How did I learn it? My mother was married to my sisters farther for roughly 8 years to my knowledge. The boldest memory I have is my mother telling me he drove a car through a park chasing her and possibly my sister as well attempting to run them over. She never said much about the abuse and bullying but there were more stories. I still have her divorce decree dated 1981. The year I was born. My other a light, bright, damn near white and could pass for European woman was a fighter and 1 of 11 girls of 15 children total. Our family has seen its share of domestic disputes gone wrong and awry but what made me a fighter? My mother was a fighter. Ive seen her fight back, and we have fought together. LOL. My mother was classy and intelligent. She loved herself and everyone knew it. She didn’t tolerate disrespectful children and she rejected it from anyone else. I knew how to use my words and my strength because I saw her do it. I wasn’t afraid because she wasn’t afraid. And maybe some of that is genetic. But largely…the aforementioned holds some truth…“it can be modeled and taught that way, show an example of what it is”


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