Thats What I Used To Do: Serially Lost 1 of 3

I wonder if you can categorically state the abstinence of marijuana use a loss? Welp! I can. I used to smoke weed. In high school my friends and I used to get as high as Georgia Pines (something my momma used to say). I rarely ever paid for weed. Somehow or another the neighborhood in which we live often afforded me free green! I dated the pusher, my sister dated a pusher, I was friends with the pusher (this sounds a lot worse than it was) but nevertheless, I was seldom with a need to blaze without the means.

I learned a lot about myself during those years of youthful and foolish folly. I may be years out of touch now but I remember when weed was just regular weed. There was no kush, dro, haze, and if there was I either didnt know the difference or it hadnt made it to my neck of the woods yet. It was regular weed when I smoked it. It did the same thing it always did. It made me feel great, hungry, and NEVER in a rush. I had the patience of Job when I was high. Which also meant I had the motivation and productivity of an illiterate sloth with snails for parents. I didnt get much done but I was never in a rush to do anything about it. Ha! Not only was I never in a hurry, I was never worried about much thus I never thought about much…well at least nothing worth mentioning to anyone outside my own head.

I was never a public smoker. I wouldnt do it boastfully or with pride. Albeit and illegal possession in certain quantities, I didnt think marijuana was bad, I did however know that it wasnt as globally accepted as second-hand smoke. So I made my use discrete. I didnt carry it around with me.If I consumed it, I did so there, in one spot. Its one thing to smoke as a female but its a different ballgame when you’re a female that looks like a smoker. That wasnt me.

After a few semesters with an older friend at her college campus my exposure changed and I slowly broke free of my habit. It wasnt a hard one to break. I knew the stigma that surrounded it. I was fortunate to not become dependent on it. I could turn it on and off whenever I wanted. As I started to develop my own direction in life, I didnt think about getting high as much and the people I became acquainted with didnt smoke so that made it more likely to fade into obscurity.

Years have passed since I had a good toke of fresh sticky green goodness. The days of slow motion and carefree living are a distant and sweet memory. Every now and then the universe hits me with its best combo punch and I think “a joint would be great right about now” but when you’re down and out is the worst time to consume anything of the habit forming nature. Thankfully, I havent yielded to the temptation. Its likely that whatever is stressing me in the moment has me so consumed that I dont have time to locate a supplier let alone search for a neutral spot to blaze up without being noticed. As funny as it seems, my life doesnt grant such opportunities as when I as younger. Im almost always engaged in something that needs me to move faster and be attentive. If I do have a moment of my own to do absolutely anything that I want to do without judgement and consequence, I can just about guarantee you its a blink in length. The window closes very quickly.

With the dissipation of smoke from the lit end of a neatly rolled spliff, Ive lost the desire to inhale until my lungs are at full capacity all of the freedom and carefree living one heart can hold but Ive gained the ability to exhale the best me the world has ever met. Im a professional now, Im parent now, Im athlete by way of hobby, and those things arent quite the fit for a master chiefer. Past lives are just that. Perhaps in my reincarnated self or some spirit world I’ll be a cannabis cropper.

Let’s just call it Adrift rather than Lost. It just might return one day.

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