Revelations 03/20/2017

Remember, you are responsible for your own emotions. You are responsible for how you react and respond to those around you. That does not mean that you are not allowed to express or acknowledge how you feel. It means that you must accept responsibility for your emotional reactions and responses.

Intense emotional responses can be debilitating but when you remind yourself that you are in control, the waves are easier to navigate.

I’ve found myself in a holding pattering of wait. I’ve been waiting for someone to tell me what they are already showing me in their actions. For whatever reason, I want to hear them speak the words to me. Perhaps hearing it will be more of a reality to me than the daily experience of their behavior. The waiting is taking its toll on my emotions. I find myself going from one extreme to the next and back again. And this is where the ability to gain and maintain control is most important.

Some people will never admit their truths, especially when it will expose their wrongdoings or ill intentions. Some people would rather wait out the inevitable or hope that it goes away. I must admit, it feels like being on a runaway train that I know is going to crash. I have two choices, jump off or endure the crash while hoping I survive either outcome.

As I ride the rails of this high-speed chase to clarity, I’m trying to learn how not to wait. How do I release my expectations? I realize that when I’m waiting on my expectations to be met, Im allowing someone else to dictate my moves. Im allowing someone else to control me. If my actions are contingent upon those of another, I will forever be someone else’s shadow. Still, knowing this doesn’t birth an answer to my question. How do I detach from what I want? God could tell me to my face that I will not get what I want and I still wouldn’t know how to not want it.

In the meantime, I’ll work on the maintenance of my emotional well-being.

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